Understanding yourself on a deeper level
Have you ever felt totally overwhelmed by your emotions in an important situation? Wished you could go back in time and handle it differently with a calmer, more rational response?
Developing personal competence helps give you that power over your feelings and reactions.
What if I told you that understanding yourself on a deeper level can unlock more happiness and success in life?
That it’s possible to stay motivated even when challenges hit and think clearly under pressure instead of reacting impulsively?
Would you like to spend less time feeling frustrated by what you can’t control and more time focused on realising your goals?
Gaining self-awareness, self-control and inner drive is easier than you think; let me show you how.
What is Personal Competence?
Personal competence is all about gaining self-awareness, learning self-control, and finding inner motivation.
It’s the ability to understand your own feelings and manage your emotions in a healthy way. Developing personal competence allows you to stay in charge of your thoughts and actions, even during challenging times.
Let’s break down the key components of personal competence — self-awareness, self-regulation, and self-motivation — and look at practical strategies for cultivating each one.
Becoming Self-Aware
The first step towards personal competence is gaining self-awareness.
This means regularly checking in with yourself to identify what you’re feeling beneath the surface. We all experience emotions, but are you truly conscious of them as they arise?
Self-aware people question their initial reactions and search for deeper meaning.
For example, rather than mindlessly reacting with anger, they may think
“Why am I feeling angry?
Is it masking something else like insecurity?”
Having this type of introspection helps you understand your emotions on a more complex level.
When I’m feeling stressed, it’s easy for me to snap at my partner.
But once I started paying attention to my feelings with self-awareness, I realised my stress was covering up feelings of being overwhelmed. This insight allowed me to adjust my approach and ask for help from my partner instead of shutting down.
Becoming self-aware takes regular practise.
I’d challenge you to spend time each day quietly reflecting on your emotions and probing underneath the surface reactions.
Keep a journal to look back on patterns over time.
The more self-aware you become, the better equipped you’ll be to manage your emotions constructively.
Taking Control Through Self-Regulation
Now that we can identify our feelings, the next step is learning self-regulation — or controlling impulses and managing emotions. We all experience times when difficult emotions like anger or anxiety seem too powerful to contain. However, self-regulated individuals can maintain their composure even in challenging situations.
A helpful technique is labelling your emotions as they occur.
For example, saying to yourself
“I’m starting to feel frustrated right now.”
Simply naming the emotion lessens its control over your behaviour.
You can then make a conscious choice on how to respond constructively rather than automatically lashing out.
My friend struggles with anxiety, that sometimes manifests as anger. Recently, during a disagreement, he took a few deep breaths and said
“I’m feeling really anxious and it’s coming out as anger.”
I could see him regulating his impulse to escalate the argument. Instead, we were able to talk through the issue respectfully.
Exercise self-control by pausing before reacting, taking deep breaths, or going for a quick walk if emotions start to overwhelm you.
With effort over time, self-regulation will become second nature for staying in charge of yourself.
Tapping into Self-Motivation
Finally, to cultivate personal competence, focus on developing self-motivation, which comes from within.
Long-term goals require resilience through inevitable setbacks and distractions that try to knock you off course.
Relying only on external incentives won’t provide enough fuel.
Self-motivated people use positive emotions strategically.
They may recall past successes to boost confidence or think of how accomplishing a goal will make them feel.
Positive self-talk supports continuing when the going gets tough rather than quitting.
During a stressful time at work a couple of years ago, I nearly lost sight of my goals.
What helped was reminding myself how fulfilled I feel when achieving something worthwhile. Realising that sense of pride and satisfaction kept me on track to finish important projects.
Now, I consciously tap into self-motivation proactively rather than waiting until I’m at risk of giving up.
You can also motivate yourself through small, achievable wins that build momentum.
When I started a fitness routine, I challenged myself to do one push-up a day for a week to form the habit before increasing the number. Celebrating progress, however minor, becomes addictive and spurs you towards bigger goals.
Wrapping up…
To sum up…
- Self-awareness allows you to understand your emotions
- Self-regulation provides control over reactions, and
- Self-motivation fuels continued growth despite challenges.
Cultivating these three components of personal competence helps you steer your own ship through life’s ups and downs.
I hope the ideas shared here help you begin exploring how to effectively develop each one to increase self-understanding and stay in charge of yourself.
Let me know if any part needs more explanation—I’m happy to clarify!
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