Did you know top entrepreneurs and thought leaders actively seek out critiques? Follow their lead to accelerate your learning and success.
Today, we’re going to dive deep into a topic that’s crucial for personal growth and self-knowledge: seeking feedback and critique from others.
I know, I know — it can be tough to put ourselves out there and invite criticism. But trust me, it’s a superpower we all need to embrace.
You see, we all have blind spots when it comes to how we show up in the world. No matter how self-aware we think we are, there are always aspects of our behaviour, communication style, and impact that we simply can’t fully grasp from the inside. That’s why gaining outside perspectives is so invaluable.
Why Feedback Matters for Self-Awareness
Think about it this way: if you only ever looked in one mirror at the same angle, you’d never truly see the full picture of your appearance, right? Well, our self-perception works the same way. We need multiple vantage points and honest reflections from others to reveal our blind spots and see ourselves more completely.
Without that external feedback loop, we’re at risk of developing an inaccurate or distorted self-image. And that disconnect between how we view ourselves and how we actually come across? Well, it can lead to all sorts of problems and missed opportunities for growth.
On the flip side, when we courageously pursue feedback — even the tough, uncomfortable stuff — we gain precious self-knowledge that allows us to:
- Identify strengths we may have been blind to and double down on them
- Pinpoint areas for improvement we wouldn’t have realised on our own
- Course-correct behaviours or habits that may be holding us back
- Increase our emotional intelligence and self-awareness
- Build stronger, more authentic relationships built on radical candour
At the end of the day, feedback is an invaluable gift that allows us to evolve into the best versions of ourselves. The question is: are we brave enough to ask for it and humble enough to truly take it in?
Best Practises for Soliciting Useful Feedback
Okay, so we’re on board with why feedback is so powerful. But how do we actually go about getting high-quality insights from others? Here are some key tips:
1. Be specific about what you want feedback on. Don’t just say, “Tell me what I’m doing wrong.” That’s way too broad! Instead, provide helpful context, like:
- “I’m trying to improve my active listening skills in meetings. What have you noticed about how well I take in different perspectives?”
- “My goal is to become a more inspiring presenter. What observations do you have about my delivery style and ability to engage the audience?”
- “I want to work on having more productive, difficult conversations. Can you give me feedback on how I typically show up during tense or emotional discussions?”
2. Choose your feedback sources wisely. While you can certainly solicit input from anyone, the most valuable critiques tend to come from:
- People who know you well and have observed you in relevant contexts over time
- Those you respect and trust to be honest, caring, and constructive with their feedback (not just cruel for cruelty’s sake)
- Individuals whose opinions you highly value, even if you don’t always agree with them
3. Approach feedback conversations with an open mind. We’ve all had the experience of receiving criticism and immediately getting defensive or trying to explain away the feedback. But that defeats the whole purpose!
Instead, commit to listening without judgement first. Take notes if it helps you stay present. Ask clarifying questions to better understand their perspective. And if you have a strong emotional reaction, take a pause before responding. The goal is to learn, not defend.
4. Dig deeper with follow-up questions. When you receive feedback, don’t just accept it at face value. That’s a missed opportunity! Follow up with questions like:
- “Can you give me a specific example of when you noticed that behaviour?”
- “How did that situation make you feel? What impact did it have?”
- “What could I do differently next time to avoid that outcome?”
- “From your perspective, what do you think is driving that habit or behaviour in me?”
5. Integrate the feedback over time. Even if a piece of feedback stings at first, give it some time to marinate. Reflect on it from multiple angles. You may start to recognise some hard truths in there that could catalyse real growth if you’re willing to lean in.
At the same time, you get to discern what feedback feels legitimate and what may be projections from the other person. Not all critiques have to be accepted wholesale. Take what resonates and leave what doesn’t.
6. Say, “Thank you!” Seeking feedback takes vulnerability and courage. When someone takes the time to provide you with honest insights, show gratitude! A simple “Thank you so much for taking the time and sharing your perspective with me” goes a long way.
Don’t Just Take My Word For It…
Look, I could wax poetic all day about the value of feedback. But you don’t have to just take my word for it. Plenty of experts, wildly successful individuals, and emotional intelligence authorities agree:
“We all need people who will give us feedback. That’s how we improve.” — Bill Gates
“Criticism, like rain, should be gentle enough to nourish a man’s growth without destroying his roots.” — Frank A. Clark
“When we give ourselves permission to fail, we, at the same time, give ourselves permission to excel.” — Eloise Ristad
“When people have to tell you something a second time, it’s fairly obvious you were not listening.” — Catherine Doucette
The research is also clear: individuals who actively solicit feedback tend to be better performers, have stronger professional growth trajectories, and experience higher levels of self-awareness and life satisfaction.
The stats go on and on, but you get the idea. Pursuing honest feedback isn’t just a “nice to have”—it’s mission-critical for accelerating your development as a human being.
Key Takeaways
To leave you with some parting wisdom, here are the key takeaways about seeking feedback and critique:
- External feedback is a gift that reveals our blind spots and helps us grow in self-awareness
- Courage, humility, and an open mind are prerequisites for truly benefiting from critiques
- Get specific about what areas you want input on to receive the most valuable insights
- While anyone’s perspective can be useful, feedback from those close to us who we trust and respect tends to carry more weight
- Listening without judgment and asking probing follow-up questions yields deeper learning
- Integrate the feedback that resonates over time, while discerning any projections or misalignments
- Sincerely thank those who take the time to provide honest critique — it’s an act of vulnerability!
If you can commit to regularly soliciting and gracefully receiving feedback, even when it’s tough to hear, you’ll be well on your way to extraordinary levels of emotional intelligence and self-actualization. The journey starts with a willingness to be humble and a desire to learn and grow beyond your current limits.
FAQs on Seeking Feedback
Still have some burning questions about this whole “getting critiqued” thing? No worries, I’ve got you covered with answers to some common queries:
Q: What if the feedback I receive seems totally off-base or unfair?
A: It’s important to listen to the feedback with an open mind first before judging or dismissing it outright. However, you also get to discern what resonates as legitimate and what may be more a projection from the other person. Not all critiques have to be accepted at face value. Take what’s useful, let the rest go.
Q: How do I solicit critiques from people who are more junior or have less experience than me?
A: While feedback from respected peers, mentors or superiors tends to carry more weight, you can learn something valuable from every perspective. The key is to make it clear you’re asking for their honest feedback, even if it contradicts your seniority or experience level. An open posture and genuine humility goes a long way. Junior team members often have insights we’re simply blind to.
Q: I constantly feel defensive when receiving negative feedback. How do I A: Start by recognising that knee-jerk defensiveness is a natural gut reaction for most of us when our egos feel threatened. It’s not something to judge in yourself, but rather an instinct to consciously work through.
A few suggestions that can help:
- Pause before reacting. When you feel that defensive flare-up, force yourself to take a few deep breaths. This creates a bit of space between the trigger and your response.
- Reframe the feedback as an opportunity. Rather than perceiving criticism as a personal attack, try to view it through the lens of self-improvement. This input is a chance for growth!
- Check your body language. Defensiveness often shows up in physical ways like crossed arms, fidgeting, or avoiding eye contact. Actively “opening up” your posture and maintaining engaged body language can help counteract that closed-off vibe.
- Ask clarifying questions. If a piece of feedback seems unclear or you’re feeling an emotional charge around it, get curious! Ask for specific examples or more context. Understanding breeds acceptance.
- Separate facts from feelings. While some feedback is purely observational, others might have the giver’s personal feelings influencing them. Learn to discern between the two.
- Thank them! As counterintuitive as it sounds, expressing gratitude for the feedback—even if it stings—reinforces that you’re open to these insights and willing to work on improvement.
Overcoming defensiveness is an ongoing practice. Be gentle with yourself, expect stumbles, and simply re-commit to receiving feedback with humility and grace each time. The growth potential is well worth the ego’s discomfort!
Q: What if I receive conflicting feedback from different people?
A: This is actually an incredibly common experience. Different people will have different perspectives based on their unique experiences, communication styles, and cognitive biases.
In cases of contradictory feedback, try not to write any of it off entirely. Instead, dig into the nuances:
- Look for any areas of overlap or alignment between the differing perspectives
- Observe whether certain themes or threads are emerging, even if the specifics differ
- Note whose feedback carries more weight/validity for you based on the relationship and context
- Reflect on whether there may be situational factors influencing how you’re perceived (e.g. you show up differently in team meetings versus one-on-ones)
The “truth” usually lies somewhere in the middle. Holding conflicting feedback with curiosity rather than taking sides tends to reveal deeper insights.
Q: How often should I be actively soliciting feedback?
A: There’s no perfect universal cadence, as it can depend on your role, relationships, and specific goals. However, most experts recommend proactively requesting feedback every 2–3 months as a general rule of thumb.
You’ll also want to seek out additional insights any time you kick off a major new project, take on increased responsibilities, transition into a leadership role, or simply feel “stuck” and aware you may be blind to some growth areas.
The key is to make feedback an ongoing practise woven into your life and work—not just a sporadic “check the box” exercise!
Q: What if I’m well-respected in my field and don’t feel I need much critique?
A: Even (or perhaps especially) if you’ve achieved a high level of success and respect, it’s critical to continue soliciting feedback with genuine humility and openness. Once we believe we have it all figured out and stop learning, that’s when arrogance and stagnation start to set in.
The greatest leaders and highest performers understand that there is always more to uncover about themselves. No matter how experienced or accomplished you may be, you can still absolutely benefit from diverse outside perspectives.
Maintaining an insatiable curiosity about your strengths, weaknesses, and potential blind spots is what separates those who experience continual growth from those who peak and plateau. Stay humble, hungry, and unafraid to evolve!
Thanks for reading…
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