How developing Emotional Intelligence transformed my relationships
I had always struggled with navigating social situations and relationships.
No matter how hard I tried, I always seemed to say or do the wrong thing. Arguments with friends and romantic partners were common occurrences. Overall, I felt disconnected from others and often unclear on how exactly I was feeling myself.
It wasn’t until a close friend sat me down one day that I realised something was missing.
“Keith, I care about you but I can’t keep having the same fights over and over. It’s like you don’t understand how your actions make people feel. Have you ever thought about working on your emotional intelligence?”
The term was new to me, but it piqued my interest.
If developing this “emotional intelligence” could help improve my relationships, it seemed worth exploring.
That night, I started researching what exactly emotional intelligence entailed and how I could work on strengthening my skills in this area.
Recognising Emotions
One of the first things I learned is that emotional intelligence begins with self-awareness — being able to recognise and understand your own emotions.
This was definitely an area I struggled with.
To improve my self-awareness, I started keeping a daily journal. Each night before bed, I would reflect on my day and try to identify the emotions I experienced in different situations.
I also began paying closer attention to my physical sensations.
Taking note of body language clues added another layer of insight into what emotions I may be experiencing underneath my conscious thoughts.
Over time, journaling daily really helped fine-tune my ability to recognise subtle shifts in my own feelings.
A Conversation with Simone
During dinner with my friend Simone one night, she seemed quiet and distracted.
Concerned, I asked, “How are you feeling tonight? You seem a bit down.”
She sighed and opened up about the stress she was feeling at work.
Remembering what I had read, I responded by reflecting on how overwhelmed and frustrated she must feel. Simone looked surprised but said she was glad I understood her perspective.
For the first time, I felt I actually understood how powerful emotional intelligence could be in that kind of situation.
Understanding Emotions
As I got better at recognising my emotions, the next step was developing a deeper understanding of what was triggering different feelings and how to manage them constructively.
To do this, I researched basic emotion theory.
I read that rather than viewing emotions as good or bad, I could learn to see them as valuable messages from my subconscious—messages that were providing insight into my needs, values, and relationships.
Of course, I needed to think about these messages and try to interpret what they related to in my life.
The secret was to reframe emotions this way to reduce any stigma I felt about experiencing difficult feelings like anger or vulnerability.
I began to realise where I had been going wrong!
Managing Emotions
With a stronger grasp on self-awareness and emotional literacy, I turned my focus to developing strategies for managing my emotions constructively.
One technique I found very helpful was mindfulness meditation.
Dealing with Anger
A few days later, I had a disagreement with my friend Tim over an upcoming event we were planning.
Things were getting heated when I paused to take a breath.
“Tim, I’m starting to feel really frustrated. Can we take a step back before this escalates?”
He nodded reluctantly.
I acknowledged his perspective while also expressing my own concerns clearly but calmly. Tim listened without interjecting, then offered a compromise we both felt good about.
The experience reminded me how mindfulness and emotional regulation can short-circuit potential conflicts before they spiral out of control.
Handled constructively, strong feelings like anger don’t have to damage relationships.
Through regular practise identifying and managing my own emotions, as well as validating others’, I was gaining confidence in my emotional intelligence skills.
The positive impacts were becoming apparent in all of my close relationships.
Thanks for reading…
If you enjoyed reading my story, please highlight any parts you think other readers would find interesting.
A couple of claps 👏 wouldn’t go amiss, either.
Don’t forget to leave your comments about what you thought of this story.
Consider following me here on Medium and subscribing to my stories.
nom@d learning 
Leave a comment