Stop comparing yourself to others
We’ve all done it—looked at someone else and thought, “I wish I was more like them.”
But comparing yourself to others is a sure-fire way to feel bad about yourself.
The truth is, everyone has insecurities and things they’d like to change. Focus on improving yourself instead of worrying about how you stack up against other people.
True confidence comes from within, not from how you measure up externally.
📖 Table of Contents
· Let go of unrealistic standards
· Own your strengths
· Play to your strengths
· Challenge negative self-talk
· Listen for cognitive distortions
· Practise self-care and self-compassion
· Be kind to yourself
· Set goals and celebrate accomplishments
· Focus on effort, not outcomes
· Put yourself out there
· Celebrate small wins
· Got Questions?
· Summing up…
Let go of unrealistic standards
Social media often presents an unrealistic view of other people’s lives.
Behind the curated highlights reels, everyone has struggles. It’s easy to feel like you’re the only one not having fun or achieving things, but that’s simply not true.
Try to recognise when you’re holding yourself to impossible standards set by others’ social media personas rather than your own values and pace.
Own your strengths
Instead of dwelling on perceived flaws or weaknesses, make a point to acknowledge your positive qualities each day.
Compliment yourself genuinely for things you’re good at or qualities you possess. This trains your brain to recognise your strengths rather than hyper-focusing on insecurities.
Keep a journal of your best traits, skills and accomplishments to look back on whenever doubt creeps in.
Play to your strengths
We all have a tendency to gravitate towards things we’re not naturally good at.
But putting yourself in situations that allow you to shine boosts confidence exponentially.
Think about tasks, hobbies or social interactions where you feel most comfortable and capable.
Make an effort to spend more time on activities that highlight your strengths rather than weaknesses.
Challenge negative self-talk
The way we talk to ourselves greatly impacts how we feel.
But many of us have developed habits of harsh self-criticism without even realising it.
Pay attention to your internal dialogue and call out unhelpful thoughts like “I’m not good enough” or “They probably think I’m stupid.”
Replace them with kinder, more realistic self-talk. It takes practice but can dramatically improve your self-esteem.
Listen for cognitive distortions
Negative thought patterns like “all-or-nothing thinking” often fuel self-doubt.
Learn to recognise cognitive distortions and reframe unhelpful thoughts in a balanced, compassionate way.
For example, instead of “I totally failed at that,” try “I can learn from this experience to do better next time.”
Being able to identify and dispute irrational beliefs helps build resilience.
Practise self-care and self-compassion
Taking good care of yourself both physically and mentally is vital for confidence.
Make time each day to do things that nourish your well-being, whether it’s exercising, spending time in nature, meditating, journaling or enjoying a hobby.
Self-care recharges your batteries so you can show up as your best self.
Be kind to yourself
It’s easy to forget to extend the same compassion to ourselves that we show to others.
When you make mistakes or things don’t go your way, talk to yourself with encouragement, understanding and patience rather than criticism.
Self-criticism is confidence’s worst enemy. Learning to soothe rather than attack your inner voice is empowering.
Set goals and celebrate accomplishments
Having things to aim for gives you a sense of purpose and momentum.
Break big goals into smaller, achievable steps to build a track record of success.
Celebrate the completion of each mini-milestone, no matter how small, to fuel motivation.
Recognising your progress reinforces your belief that you can achieve more.
Focus on effort, not outcomes
Shifting your focus from results to effort takes pressure off and boosts confidence in the process.
Remind yourself that what matters most is trying your best, not whether you “win” or “lose.”
This mindset helps you keep moving forward positively, even when facing setbacks or disappointments.
Effort is always within your control.
Put yourself out there
Comfort zones can be confidence zones too if we never challenge ourselves.
Little by little, say yes to opportunities that stretch your limits a bit, even if they make you nervous.
Things like starting a conversation with a stranger, giving a presentation or joining a club build confidence through exposure rather than avoidance of perceived risks.
Celebrate small wins
Noticing and appreciating your brave steps outside of your comfort zone, no matter how small, is important.
Give yourself kudos for putting in the effort rather than fixating on any perceived “failures.”
Over time, consistently facing fears transforms them into confidence boosters that you can draw from to take bigger leaps.
Got Questions?
What if I have a major setback or fail at something?
It’s normal to feel disappointed when things don’t go as planned, but remember that one setback doesn’t define you. Focus on what you can learn from the experience rather than seeing it as a reflection of your worth. Have compassion for yourself as you would a friend. Then dust yourself off and keep moving forward.
How do I stop being a perfectionist?
Perfectionism often stems from low self-esteem and a need to prove your worth. Challenge the belief that you’re only valuable if you never make mistakes. Remember that imperfection is human. Give yourself permission to learn through trial and error rather than fearing failure. Focus on constant, small improvements rather than waiting for flawless results.
What if other people don’t believe in me?
True confidence comes from within, not from seeking approval or validation from others. You don’t need anyone’s permission to believe in yourself. Keep doing you and surround yourself with people who support your growth and see your potential, even if it’s not always obvious to others yet. Their opinions say more about them than you.
How do I become more assertive?
Practice speaking up for small wants and needs first to build confidence. For example, asking for what you want at a restaurant or declining extra tasks at work. Remember, you don’t need a reason to say no when you feel uncomfortable. With time and experience, it will become easier to advocate for yourself in a calm, confident manner.
How do I get over approach anxiety?
Start small, like smiling and making eye contact with people, before working up to greetings. Remind yourself that others are often just as self-conscious as you. Focus on listening rather than constantly thinking of what to say next. Remember, the worst thing that can happen is that they don’t respond as you hoped—but you’ll still be fine! Practice helps anxiety fade over time.
Summing up…
Building self-confidence is a journey that takes daily effort but gets easier with time.
Be patient, gentle and persistent with yourself as you work to overcome doubts.
Celebrate both efforts and accomplishments, big or small.
Remember that struggling at times is part of being human — what matters most is how you support yourself through it.
With compassion and consistency, you have the power to become your best, most confident self.
I hope you found this guide helpful as you continue to grow into who you are meant to be.
Thanks for reading…
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