Aligning Your ‘Yes’: Making Commitments That Honour Your Capacity

Overcommitment drains energy. Learn to evaluate opportunities wisely and say ‘yes’ only when truly aligned with your values and realistic capacity.

Protect your energy by aligning your ‘yes.’ Learn practical strategies to evaluate commitments and preserve focus for what truly matters.

It’s a feeling many of us know all too well. As the calendar fills up, the feeling of overwhelm gradually intensifies. There is no room to breathe, much less think. Your energy, once a vibrant flame, flickers low.

Why?

Often, we hastily accept requests without taking into account our true capabilities. We also don’t think about what truly lights us up.

If you’re fed up with feeling unfulfilled, you’ve come to the right place. You’re ready to make commitments that empower you. This journey isn’t about just saying ‘no’ more often; it’s about learning to say ‘yes’ with intention and wisdom.

For years, I was a ‘yes’ person.

• A new project? Yes!
• An interesting collaboration? Absolutely.
• A last-minute request? Sure, I can squeeze it in.

The result?

The result was a life that felt both abundant and fragile. I was busy, but was I truly effective? Was I honouring my own needs and deeply held values? The honest answer, often, was no.

I underwent a journey of self-reflection. I learned a few hard lessons. I consciously shifted to start aligning my commitments with my genuine capacity and what truly matters to me.

This piece is the result of that journey.

Key Takeaways:

• Understand the true cost of overcommitment on your energy and focus.
• Discover how to evaluate opportunities through the lens of your core values.
• Learn practical questions to ask yourself before saying ‘yes’ to any new commitment.
• Explore strategies for setting healthier boundaries around your time and energy.
• Realise that intentional ‘nos’ create space for more impactful ‘yeses.’

The Siren Song of ‘Everything’

We live in a world brimming with opportunities. New ideas, exciting projects, and calls for collaboration—they pop up like mushrooms after a rainstorm.

It’s tempting, isn’t it? Each “yes” feels like a step ahead, a new opportunity. But when every door is ajar, we can find ourselves in a very draughty hallway. Many forces tug at us.

The pressure to do more is a constant hum in modern life. We constantly feel pressured to achieve more than we now do. Achieving more is always in the background.

This mindset often leads to a pattern of avoiding overcommitment becoming a daily struggle rather than a practiced skill. We fear missing out (FOMO). We worry about disappointing others. We sometimes equate busyness with importance.

You are considering how to start untangling this web. It starts with a simple, yet profound, recognition: your energy is finite. Your time is precious.

Your Values: The Compass for Your ‘Yes’

Before you can effectively decide what to say ‘yes’ to, you need a clear internal compass. Your core values are that compass. When a potential commitment aligns with your values, it tends to energise you, even if it requires effort. When it clashes, it often drains you, no matter how prestigious or exciting it seems on the surface.

Think about what truly matters to you.

• Is it creativity?
• Community impact?
• Personal growth?
• Financial stability?
• Family time?
• Health and well-being?

Jot these down. Keep them visible. When a new demand or opportunity comes your way, hold it up against your list. Does it resonate? Does it support what you fundamentally stand for?

This values alignment is the first crucial filter for your commitments. If there’s a ‘no’ here, the decision becomes much simpler.

Once, I received an offer for a lucrative consulting gig. On paper, it was a fantastic opportunity. But when I held it against my then-primary value of “deep creative work,” it felt off. The role was more managerial, less hands-on.

Saying ‘no’ was tough. My bank account began to show signs of distress. Yet, the relief and renewed focus on what I truly wanted was immense.

The Pre-Commitment Checklist: Questions to Ask Before You Leap

Once an opportunity passes the values test, the next step is to assess its fit with your current reality. This is where strategic commitments come into play—being thoughtful and selective. Here are some questions I’ve learned to ask myself, born from many an overcommitted afternoon:

• What is the true time investment?
  • Be realistic. Consider not just the core task but also meetings, travel, prep work, and potential overruns. Often, we underestimate this, leading to a cascade of time crunches.
• What is the energy investment?
  • Some tasks are time-light but emotionally heavy. Others are the reverse. Does this task align with your strengths and energy patterns, or does it consistently conflict with them? Energy management is just as critical as time management.
• What will I have to say ‘no’ to (or do less of) if I say ‘yes’ to this?
  • Every ‘yes’ has an opportunity cost. Be explicit about the trade-offs. Acknowledging the associated costs can make the decision much clearer.
• Does this align with my current priorities and goals?
  • Even if it’s a good opportunity, is it good right now? Does it move you closer to where you genuinely want to go, or is it a shiny distraction?
• What is the worst-case scenario if I say, ‘no’? What is the best-case scenario if I say, ‘yes’?
  • Sometimes exploring the possibilities reveals that the fear of saying ‘no’ is not as real as it seems. Alternatively, the allure of saying ‘yes’ isn’t as bright as it first appeared.
• Is there room for curiosity and learning here?
  • This taps into that ‘Growthenticity’ spirit. A commitment lets you ask questions, experiment, and grow. The experience can be incredibly rewarding, even with uncertainty.

Answering these honestly can feel like setting up new boundary-setting muscles. Initially, you feel uneasy, particularly if you’re accustomed to being the person who handles everything.

The Art of the Graceful ‘No’ (and the Empowered ‘Yes’)

Learning to say ‘no’ is a cornerstone of intentional living. It’s not about being negative or unhelpful. It’s about protecting your resources so you can offer your best where it truly counts.

Here are a few ways to deliver a ‘no’ that maintains relationships and self-respect:

• Be clear and direct, but kind: “Thank you so much for thinking of me for this. While it sounds like a wonderful opportunity, I don’t have the capacity to take on new projects right now.”
• Offer a choice (if appropriate and you genuinely can):  “I can’t commit to leading that. But I can offer some beginning thoughts. I can also point you to someone who is a better fit.”
• Explain briefly, without over-justifying:  A simple statement is often enough. You say, “My current commitments mean I can’t give this project the attention it deserves.”
• Reinforce the value of the relationship (if applicable): “I strongly value our collaboration. I hope we can find another way to work together in the future when my schedule allows.”

Remember, a thoughtful ‘no’ to one thing is an enthusiastic ‘yes’ to another. This statement is a ‘yes’ to your well-being. It’s also a ‘yes’ to your current priorities. Alternatively, it is a ‘yes’ to that passion project you’ve been sidelining.

This journey of aligning your ‘yes’ is iterative. You won’t get it perfect every time.

• There will be moments you overcommit and feel the strain.
• There will be times you say ‘no’ and experience a twinge of regret or fear of missing out.

That’s okay.

• Each instance is a learning opportunity.
• It is a chance to refine your understanding of your capacity and your values.
• It also helps to understand what it means to live and work with greater intention.

This approach is part of embracing imperfection on the path to becoming more authentically yourself.

Wrapping Up

Aligning your ‘yes’ with your genuine capacity and core values is more than just a productivity hack. It signifies a fundamental shift towards a more sustainable way of engaging with the world.

This approach is also more fulfilling and authentic. It’s about moving from a reactive stance. In this stance, opportunities dictate your schedule. Shift to a proactive one, where your inner compass guides your commitments.

You reclaim your energy by asking the right questions. Understand your values to keep focus. Mastering the art of the graceful ‘no’ is also crucial.

• You create space for the work that truly matters.
• You create space for the relationships that nourish you.
• You create space for the quiet moments that allow for reflection and growth.

This strategy isn’t about doing less. It is about doing right.

• Do what is right for you.
• Do what is right for your goals.
• Do what is right for your well-being.

The power to choose is yours. Use it wisely.

🌱Beyond the ‘Yes’: The Growthenticity Link

The core ideas explored in this article aren’t just isolated concepts. They deeply resonate with the principles of what I call ‘Growthenticity’:

“The continuous, integrated process of becoming more oneself (authentic). We achieve such growth by leading with questions, learning through action, and growing by embracing uncertainty and imperfection. All of this is fuelled by curiosity.”

Choosing where to spend your precious ‘yes’ is a profound act of self-discovery. It asks you to lead with questions.

• “Does this decision truly resonate with me?”
• “What impact will the decision have on my energy and goals?“
• “What am I genuinely curious to explore?”

Each commitment becomes a space for learning through action.

• You watch the outcomes.
• You see what energises you versus what drains you.
• You refine your ability to make choices that are more authentically you.

This journey of aligning your commitments naturally involves embracing uncertainty and imperfection. You do not always make the ‘perfect’ choice. Sometimes a ‘yes’ leads to unexpected challenges, and sometimes a ‘no’ brings a pang of ‘what if.’ Growthenticity encourages viewing these moments not as failures. Instead, see them as vital feedback. This feedback fuels further growth towards a more integrated and authentic way of living and working.

👉 I encourage you to check out my paid Substack offerings at Lead, Learn, Grow. You can further explore concepts like ‘Growthenticity.’ You will also gain access to practical tools and connect with a supportive community. This community focuses on fostering authentic and impactful growth.

Join us as we unpack these ideas and support each other on our journeys.

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Your Turn

What is one small step you can take this week? How can you better align your ‘yes’ with your capacity and values?

Share your thoughts or a recent experience in the comments below—I’d love to hear how you’re navigating this!