Leading Up: How to Influence and Manage Your Relationship with Your Boss

Take ownership of your career by learning the subtle art of managing upwards with integrity and strategic communication.

Learn to effectively manage up. Discover strategies for influencing your boss and managing that relationship with integrity, communication, and strategic thinking.

For over two decades, I’ve watched countless professionals navigate the often-tricky waters of the workplace. We all know the feeling of a tricky project, a tight deadline, or a difficult conversation. But there’s one challenge many people feel powerless to tackle: their relationship with their boss.

It’s like a dance, isn’t it? Sometimes you feel like you’re leading, sometimes trailing, and sometimes, well, you’re just stepping on toes.

“Managing up” often gets a negative rap, conjuring images of brown-nosing or office politics. But that’s not what I’m talking about.

My perspective comes from years of observing professional development. I have seen what truly makes a difference in people’s careers. It is far simpler, more respectful, and frankly, more effective.

It’s about taking command of your professional journey. Recognise that your success isn’t solely yours. It also depends on how well you connect with those who guide your path. It’s about being a true partner, not just an employee waiting for instructions.

This isn’t about manipulation; it’s about mindful engagement. It’s about understanding the currents your boss swims in and learning to navigate them with integrity and purpose.

We’ll explore how you can shape this crucial connection.

You can offer value beyond your job description. Position yourself as an indispensable contributor.

The payoff? More satisfaction, greater career growth, and a working environment that truly supports your best self.

Are you prepared to reconsider your leadership styles, even in situations where you don’t hold formal authority? Let’s get to it.

Key Takeaways

• Understanding is Power: Learn what motivates your boss and the pressures they face.
• Be a Solution-Provider: Bring answers and options, not just difficulties.
• Proactive Communication Wins: Keep your boss informed before they need to ask.
• Set Clear Boundaries: Communicate your capacity and needs respectfully.
• Align Your Efforts: Show how your work supports larger team and organisational goals.
• Embrace Two-Way Feedback: Ask for guidance and offer observations thoughtfully.
• Integrity is Your Anchor: Build trust through honesty and consistent performance.

Seeing Through Their Eyes: The Boss’s World

First off, let’s consider what life is like for your boss. Think about it:

• They’re often juggling a mountain of responsibilities.
• They have their own boss.
• They have their targets.
• Typically, a whole team looks to them for guidance.
• They offer resources and often solutions.

Their plate is usually overflowing, metaphorically speaking, with strategic concerns, budget worries, and the general clamour of daily operations.

Many times, a boss just wants to know that things are running smoothly. 

• They’re looking for dependability.
• They appreciate not having surprises pop up.
• They want to trust that their team members are capable.

Team members should handle things or raise flags early. This allows for early intervention.

So, before you approach them with a demand or a problem, take a moment. Put yourself in their shoes.

What are their biggest concerns right now? What are their priorities? Are they swamped with a big project? Is there pressure from above? 

Understanding their unique situation helps you frame your communication in a way that resonates with what they value most. This simple shift in mindset can transform how you interact. It shows respect and a broader understanding of the challenges at play.

It’s a real shift away from simply focusing on your own immediate needs.

Becoming a Solution-Seeker, Not Just a Problem-Presenter

Changing how you present issues is one of the best ways to manage up. It’s easy to walk into your boss’s office and say, “We have a problem with X.” We’ve all done it. But what happens then? You’ve just handed them another item for their already lengthy to-do list.

Instead, try this:

“We’re facing a challenge with X.” I’ve been thinking about a few ways we can tackle it.

Then, offer one or two potential solutions, along with your recommendation. You might even outline the pros and cons of each.

This approach makes you a proactive partner, someone who not only spots roadblocks but actively helps clear them. It frees up your boss’s mental energy and shows you’re thinking beyond your immediate tasks.

I recall a young project manager I mentored years ago. He always provided me with a dilemma and three possible ways forward, even if two of them were non-starters.

He offered potential solutions. His willingness to learn and adapt bolstered his problem-solving skills.

These qualities made him stand out. It wasn’t about having all the answers but about taking the initiative to discover them.

He became a trusted voice, someone I knew I could count on, not just for updates, but for progress.

The Art of Proactive Communication: No Surprises, Please

Let’s face it: no one likes being blindsided. Your boss certainly doesn’t. One of the simplest yet most effective ways to manage your relationship upwards is through consistent, proactive communication. This means keeping your boss in the loop before they need to chase you for updates.

Think of it as setting a series of gentle buoys in the water, marking your progress. This isn’t about barraging them with every tiny detail. It’s about strategically sharing key information:

• Progress updates: “Just wanted to let you know Project Alpha is on track, hitting its key milestones.”
• Potential roadblocks: “I’ve noticed a potential slowdown with the supplier for Project Beta. I’m already looking into alternatives, and I’ll keep you posted.”
• Requests for input: “For the next phase of the marketing campaign, I’m thinking of focusing on X, Y, and Z. Would you have a moment to give me your first thoughts on that direction?”

The goal here is to build a sense of calm confidence.

Your boss starts to understand that you’re proactive. You notice problems early. They won’t unexpectedly discover a significant issue the day before an important deadline.

Thoughtful sharing creates a positive atmosphere and truly helps in workplace authenticity. It lets you show your genuine work and challenges without fear.

Perhaps you’re wondering how to start without feeling like you’re reporting every five minutes. The trick is to find a rhythm.

Maybe it’s a quick weekly email summarising key progress and next steps. It could also be a brief chat at the start of the week.

The format matters less than the consistency and the content.

It’s about making sure your boss has just enough information to feel comfortable, without being overwhelmed.

Setting Clear Expectations and Boundaries

This can feel a little counterintuitive when we talk about “managing up”. Still, setting boundaries is vital.

• It is essential for building a healthy and productive relationship with your boss.
• It’s not about saying “no” to everything; it’s about understanding your capacity and communicating it clearly and respectfully.

If your plate is already full, and your boss hands you another major task, speak up. Do not silently accept it. Doing so will lead you to miss deadlines or burn yourself out. That helps no one.

A better approach is to say something like…

“I’m happy to take on Task Z. To do it well, I see a few options. I will prioritise it over Project Y. This choice would push Project Y’s completion date back by a week. Alternatively, we can look at reallocating some of my smaller tasks. What do you think is the most important thing for me to focus on right now?”

• This communication shows that you’re committed.
• It indicates that you understand the impact of your workload.
• It also demonstrates that you’re taking ownership of your ability to deliver.
• It changes the focus from “I can’t do this.” It asks, “How can we best align my efforts to achieve the most important goals?”
• It also encourages your boss to think strategically about resource allocation.
• It’s about being honest about what’s possible, which fosters trust and avoids future resentment.

This open dialogue is crucial for maintaining your well-being and ensuring high-quality work.

Aligning Your Compass: Connecting Your Work to the Bigger Picture

It’s one thing to do your job well. Demonstrating how your job performance contributes to the larger organisational goals is a different matter. This step is where you elevate yourself from a task-doer to a strategic partner.

Communicate with your boss effectively. Frame your achievements or your plans in terms of their impact on the team. Consider the department’s or even the company’s overall objectives.

Instead of saying, “I finished the report,” try…

“I finished the report. It provides the data we need to make an informed decision on the Q3 marketing budget. This moves us closer to our revenue targets.”

• The result indicates that you’re not just executing; you’re thinking.
• You’re connecting the dots.
• You understand the significance of your work.

This helps your boss see your value beyond just the immediate deliverables. It shows you’re invested in the overall success, not just your piece of the pie. 

It also simplifies the task for your boss to advocate for you when opportunities for growth come up. Examples include promotions or interesting new projects. They can point to how you consistently contribute to the big picture, making a clear case for your advancement. 

Demonstrating this thinking is crucial. It is a key part of effective leadership by example. This holds true even when you’re not in a formal leadership role.

The Two-Way Street of Feedback: Both Asking and Offering

Feedback, when handled with grace, is a gift. Most people consider feedback to be something you receive, especially from your boss. And yes, actively seeking regular feedback is a cornerstone of managing up.

Ask your boss, “What’s one thing I can do differently to make your job easier?” or, “What’s an area where you think I can grow?”

This shows initiative and a wish for improvement.

But there’s also a subtle art to offering feedback to your boss. This isn’t about criticism; it’s about observations that can help the team or the organisation function better. This requires trust and a gentle touch. 

Perhaps you’ve observed a recurring issue that negatively affects team morale or a process that could benefit from streamlining.

You might say, “I’ve been contemplating the communication flow during our weekly meetings. Sometimes, I feel we could make even more progress if we tried X. Just an idea, of course.”

Frame it as a suggestion, an observation, or a question, always with the team’s best interests at heart. This requires a certain level of quiet confidence and a belief in the value you bring to the discussion.

It shows you’re not afraid to engage respectfully and thoughtfully in improving the work environment. The key is to deliver it in a way that feels helpful and supportive, not challenging.

Wrapping Up

Managing up is a powerful tool for career growth. It should be done with integrity and a genuine desire to contribute. It’s about stepping into your full professional self.

You need to take ownership of your working relationships. This will make you become a truly invaluable member of any team. It’s not about playing games; it’s about playing a larger, more impactful role.

Understand your boss’s world. Bring solutions to the table and communicate proactively. Set clear boundaries and align your work with bigger goals.

Engage thoughtfully in feedback. By doing so, you transform a potentially passive relationship into an active, collaborative partnership.

This approach not only helps your boss succeed, but it also lights a clear path for your advancement. It shows everyone around you the kind of capable, thoughtful professional you truly are.

🌱 Beyond the Conversation: The Growthenticity Connection

The core ideas explored in this article aren’t just isolated concepts; they deeply resonate with the principles of what I call ‘Growthenticity’:

“The continuous, integrated process of becoming more oneself (authentic) involves leading with questions. It includes learning through action. One grows by embracing uncertainty and imperfection. All of this is fuelled by curiosity.”

Managing up authentically means leading with questions: asking, “What does my boss need?” and, “How can I add the most value?”

It’s learning through action, trying different communication approaches, and seeing what works.

It’s about embracing the uncertainty of a professional relationship.

Trust that by showing up with integrity and purpose, you can shape it for the better. This path requires a healthy dose of harnessing curiosity about others’ perspectives. It also requires a commitment to growing your capabilities in real time.

It’s about becoming more yourself. It’s about becoming a more responsible and influential professional. Achieve this not by mimicking others, but by truly understanding your unique contributions.

Learn how they can best serve the collective goals.

When you manage up with Growthenticity, you’re not just climbing a ladder. You’re building a more authentic, impactful version of your professional self.

👉 I encourage you to check out my paid Substack offerings at Lead, Learn, Grow. You can further explore concepts like ‘Growthenticity.’ You will also gain access to practical tools and connect with a supportive community. This community focuses on fostering authentic and impactful growth.

Join us as we unpack these ideas and support each other on our journeys.

🌱 Learn more about me and what I offer my free and paid Substack subscribers.🌱

Here is some information about me and how to connect with me on different platforms.

Your Turn

What’s one thing you plan to try this week to better manage your relationship with your boss? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below.